There are two parts of ourselves that exist concurrently: who we are with other people, and who we are when we’re alone. I’ve always given more thought to the former, worrying that others’ perception of me would be unfavorable or unkind. However, this made me uncomfortable to be alone because I was only aware of myself when I had a community: I am daughter and sister to my family, I am a friend to many, I am a queer woman in the LGBT+ community, etc.
And yet, I still insisted on studying abroad at Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland, where I had no such connections. I’ve always heard of how amazing studying abroad is; people say it is life-changing, that you form lifelong bonds, and you gain a deeper understanding of the world. Essentially, it is about your connection to the world and who you are because of it; and while I did get that, I found something else that improved my life.
"Your study abroad experience will be your own: it will be different from what you expect, but at least in my case, that was for the best. Do not be afraid to embark on this new journey because there is so much support for you. Studying abroad is so worth it."
What I truly got from my time abroad is learning to appreciate my alone self just as much as my connected self. It took a lot of time, but going to another country by myself was lonely. It was isolating, but that was necessary because I would’ve never stepped out of my comfort zone if I stayed in the United States. I’m not saying that I value my connections to my communities less now, but I’m finally comfortable in my own skin, not worrying if I seem smart enough to other people or if I seem queer enough because my perception of myself matters more than I realized.
There were the little things that helped me realize this, like exploring Dublin by myself using the public transportation or browsing Hodges Figgis, my favorite Dublin bookstore and a place of comfort. Yet, traveling on my own outside of Dublin was the most formative. I feared I would not enjoy my time if I did not have someone there with me, but it allowed me to go at my own pace, go to the sights – like Giant’s Causeway or Cliffs of Moher – that I really wanted to see, and helped me be spontaneous, like going to the Cúirt International Festival of Literature in Galway. I was able to just trust myself and be content with my own company.
This was not just a social realization but an academic one as well. Trinity College was much more hands off than American colleges, specifically in the lack of help outside of the classroom. Sure, there were some professors who were willing to discuss outlines, but that was it. No longer could I go to a professor with a draft to be reassured in my reasoning, and I had to trust my skill as a writer and as a student. And you know what? I was just fine because I did not need to define my hard work by someone else’s praise. It was a long overdue realization.
That’s not to say I deprived myself of queer connections. My closest friend in Ireland was my nonbinary roommate, who was open to late night chats and was a travel buddy during spring break. As my confidence in myself grew, I experienced more of queer nightlife with them, enjoying drag shows and pubs. In Ireland, pubs are a huge part of the culture as a key hub for community, yet nightlife was never something I felt comfortable in, forcing me to wonder how I could relate to this aspect of Ireland. However, being able to connect to nightlife through my queerness made me feel at ease in this new experience. Studying abroad settled me into my own skin, allowing me to leave my comfort zone and participate in my community in a whole new way. I’m sure my newfound confidence will continue to provide new opportunities for years to come.
As a piece of advice, I was worried I was doing something wrong almost my entire study abroad because I compared myself to other people. I expected some sort of huge revelation that completely changed the way I saw the world, but truly, it was a slow change to how I saw myself. Your study abroad experience will be your own: it will be different from what you expect, but at least in my case, that was for the best. Do not be afraid to embark on this new journey because there is so much support for you. Studying abroad is so worth it.
LEARN HOW YOU CAN APPLY FOR A GLOBAL ACCESS AMBASSADOR SCHOLARSHIP
The Global Access Ambassador Scholarship program provides awards to study abroad for a summer, semester, or academic year. The scholarships are intended to support students who study abroad with the intent to serve as Global Access Ambassadors upon return to the UI campus. Upon completion of the study abroad program and return to UI, award recipients are asked to submit a photo and an open letter to prospective students or suggest an alternate means of sharing with prospective students.
Please note that the opinions and views expressed by ambassadors are solely those of the students and do not reflect or represent the views of International Programs or the University of Iowa.
International Programs (IP) at the University of Iowa (UI) is committed to enriching the global experience of UI students, faculty, staff, and the general public by leading efforts to promote internationally oriented teaching, research, creative work, and community engagement. IP provides support for international students and scholars, administers scholarships and assistance for students who study, intern, or do research abroad, and provides funding opportunities and grant-writing assistance for faculty engaged in international research. IP shares their stories through various media, and by hosting multiple public engagement activities each year.